Value Our Family
Katherine Lim
1999 had been a tough year for us and I would like to share my story on how important we must value the people we love.
One year ago, my father was diagnosed with advanced stomach cancer. We never had any person with terminal disease in our family and it was a great shock to us. When he was first admitted, he had to undergo two major operations and nearly died both times. However, after spending two months in the hospital, he was discharged and sent home. Never had I seen a person with such a strong will to live. Here we are complaining over small little matters, and there he is fighting for his life. I spent all my weekends with him and left my two children, at that time aged a few months and 1year + with my husband and maid at home. It is so painful to see my father struggled through endless hospital admissions, blood transfusions, jabs and more medicine, and all the time he begged the doctor to help him prolonged his life. He never once complained of the pain and told us he is OK.
When the cancer spread to his liver, the doctor recommended chemotherapy. We objected because he was so frail. (My father was 6 feet tall and used to weight 95 kilos when he was well. After the operations, he weighted only 50 kilos). However, again, he desired to live so much that he was willing to take the risks and undergo chemo. His first round was bearable but it was the second time that took his life. All in all, he survived eight torturous months of life. Here I see my father, a man I loved so much, dying in front of my very eyes. A man who was so strong and solid, now so tiny and helpless to defend himself. He apologized profusely for the inconvenienced caused to his family and all he asked for was a little more time to be with us. It was his dream to retire and send his grandchildren to school one day, not knowing this will never materialized. As he sits back with my mother to recollect his live, he begs to be forgiven for any wrongdoings.
For the first time, you see this strong man in constant tears. Never tears for pain, but tears for knowing he will leave us very soon and for the things he can never do. We were supposed to shift from our apartment in Court 8 Subang Jaya to Shah Alam on 28th June 1999. My husband’s father passed away on 26th June 1999 due to tetanus. He was a healthy man with no sickness but he stepped on a rusty nail and the we believed that the hospital gave him the wrong shots. He was unconscious for a month in the Kota Bharu hospital before he died.
All this while, my husband and I shuttled between Kota Bharu and KL visiting our sick fathers. Now, TIME seems to be our greatest enemy, and it is against us. Thankfully, we had great relatives to look after the children. A week after my father in law died, we shifted to our new house (we had to give up the old apartment which was sold) on 5th July 1999. We had renovated a room on ground floor for my father to stay in after his second chemo. Sadly, he died on 15th July 1999 at the age of 52. Within a short period of one month, we had to shift house and attend to two funerals. Both my husband and I were at loss for words, losing both our fathers within such a short time was too much for us to bear. When his father died, we were both really so sad and two weeks later, my father died. There just wasn’t enough time to recover from one grief to another. I still miss my father every day. I miss his voice, his laughter and most importantly, his bear hugs.. He was my best friend and we talked about everything under the sun!
Honestly, I could relate to him more than I related to my husband! He was ALWAYS there for me, and he told me how much he loved and was proud of me all the time. He was never shy in expressing his feelings towards his family and he just could not conceal his great love for all of us. He was such a lively person and well loved by all friends and relatives. Losing him was like experiencing death myself. My perspective of life changed completely after this traumatic experience. I told myself to appreciate being alive and especially the people we love. I have his photographs all over my house, and every photo shows him laughing and being so happy. My eldest daughter, still remembers him well because he spoils her completely. I tell my friends to appreciate their parents – when their parents are alive. I believe my father has completed his ‘cycle of life’, and we are just beginning. Therefore, life is really short, appreciate and value the people we care and love. I hope that one day there will be a cure for terminal disease like cancer and AIDS.
As parents, our hearts swells with pride and we watch our children sing and being so happy. What is equally important is also to pause for a while, take a few minutes off our so called busy schedule, and review our own relationship with our parents. As much as we would never abandon our children under any circumstances, we as children, may neglect our parents at times too (without us realizing it). Children are sensitive little people and need our constant attention, so does our parents. Children look up to us as if we are their heroes and loved us unconditionally (well..at least when they are innocent and little), so does our parents. I think this is the ‘cycle of life’. This ultra modern society is too stressful and even competitive for us at times. Let’s sit back, reflect and appreciate the many great things in life (especially our parents) whom we always take for granted. Imagine how disappointed and sad we would be if our children do not care or love us later when we are old, maybe this is how our parents feel sometimes…My father once told me, if I used a knife and cut into my flesh, there will be blood and I will fell pain, just as he would feel it if the knife is used on him. Just as he had experienced those difficult years he had with me when I was a teenager, one day I probably will undergo the same with my kids. I always try to do my best for my parent, just as I would hope my children would do the same for me, one day .
Let’s value our family as a whole. Not just our children, but the whole family. Our children are in this world because of us, and we are here because of our parents. We, as parents ourselves, have to do the best not just for the children, but also for our society. If every persons try to put in a little extra effort, then again, hopefully, this will be a better place for all of us.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
K. Lim
http://familyplace.tmspublisher.com/article.cfm?id=130
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